" I'm still only marginally intelligent. "
--Israel

" ... shows you that there are two choices: eat or be eaten "
--Prof Sokolsky, on Marvell's To His Coy Mistress

" He's trying not to blame God, but he's not succeeding. "
--Caroline Toy, on Ben Johnson's On My First Son

" If you don't have fun with this play, double the doses of the antidepressants. "
--R Bell

" I view [A Midsummer Night's Dream]... as the tender and compelling story of a young wall. "
--R. Bell, explaining how he once had the part of the wall in a performance of the same.

" If you were a schoolchild in the 1590's you would have learned or heard or imagined that prince Hal was a real fuck up. "
--R. Bell

" I like it up here. "
--R Bell, standing on top of his desk in Griffin while leading a discussion.

" Who sneered over here? You flunk. "
--R. Bell, after saying he considered naming his daughter Viola.

" She does look like she might be a gold-digger. "
--Evan Miller, on Viola

" He's the killjoy and the party-pooper. That's why he gets shat on. "
--R. Bell, on Malvolio

" And the glory of that original vision never yet fades. "
--R. Bell, on the vision of Hamlet as he might have been.

" Even in Maine, I bet you know some crazy people. "
--R Bell

" No matter who you are, Shakespeare is... not just shakespeare, Hamlet is smarter than you. "
--R. Bell

" He's gross in a way that transcends Mercutio's boyish fascination with perversion. "

" It's always interesting to think about sex in shakespeare; he's way ahead of you on this. "
--R Bell

" Mercutio, right: that perpeptual geyser of smut. "
--Robert Bell

" Why does the nurse speak about sex? ... She likes it! "
--Robert Bell

" She's buttoned up... well that's sort of the way a girl's supposed to be... in that society. "
--R Bell, fingering the buttons on his shirt

" You don't want to turn your lover into a professor, god knows. "
--R Bell

" Now [Mercutio's] back talking about his third favorite topic... the Vagina "
--R Bell

" The agitation of passion is kind of funny... except when we're going through it. "
--R Bell

" If you look at characters like that, they're not the best lovers... and I wouldn't want to be Lady Macbeth. "
--Sarah Martin

" Orgo at Dartmouth... that's a tragedy. "
--R Bell

" We're not going to talk about what we've been doing today, but if we did... "
--Peter Murphy

" let's call us 'the Elite' "
--Peter Murphy

" I'm pointing my finger at you because I think this is important. "
--Peter Murphy

" I'll get there... I'm actually two steps removed from the thing I was actually talking about. "
--Peter Murphy

" Do you want to print this picture out?
Do you want to use it on your web site?
Do you want permission to use it?
No, I don't, I want to steal it. "
--Peter Murphy, depicting his interaction with the National Art Gallery Web Site

" Oh, well, he's dead. We can condemn him for it, we can condemn him for everything. We can condemn him for being short. "
--Peter Murphy

" My brain is just failing; I'm sorry. "
--Peter Murphy

" morals are funny. "
--Peter Murphy

" I have this sense that reading really a lot would not be a good idea. "
--Peter Murphy

" $2500? I wouldn't give that much money to God "
--Marti Mudd

" If you take somebody else's software and use it as your own, that would be bad. "
--Jim Teresco, explaining the honor code.

" I'm out of notes three minutes early... don't tell Kim. "
--Jim Teresco

" Does the operating system know that you're going to be creating threads, or is that just a surprise for it? "
--Unknown.

" Trylock the destroyer, feel my wrath. "
--Marti Mudd

" The course description talks about a midterm... I found I've lost interest in the midterm. "
--Peter Murphy

" The Irish are Catholic... It's a terrible but true fact. "
--Peter Murphy

" It's too interesting; we can't talk about it. "
--Peter Murphy

" Bad things happen if you become highly introspective "
--Peter Murphy on Paradise Lost

" Murderous, Fuzzy Things. I approve. "-- Laurie

" Look how she's heaving her breasts and it's ugly. "-- Katie

" See, Clatu, Verata, Nicto actually means 'Come here you sexy hunk of metal.' "-- Laurie

" Hammering a duck also does that."-- "-- Rachelle

" Oh no, it's the big, mean evil Laurie." --Rachelle
"Grrr...." --Laurie

" There's a difference in the power of the pout. "-- Tom

" Even a hamster can't resist my manly charms. "-- Jason

" What about all those Baptists? We let them vote! "-- Katie

" Any hot guys I can... you know... spring upon? "-- Alix

" I think that's the first time I've even thought about seducing a hamster. "-- Jason

" Aah! I'm facet-exploring a monkey! "-- Tom

" I want to go to sleep before I delete anything else. "-- Katie

"You'd have to say 01644 if you really want that sticky bit."--Jim Teresco

"Chemists are blowing stuff up again. I think it's a really unfair advantage they have."--Bill Lenhart

"And this is Potassium Permanganate, which is an equally purple substance."--Dieter Bingemann

"So If I could draw, I would draw maybe something that looks like this."--Bill Lenhart, pointing to something he was drawing.

"Don't believe all the old farts in the department."--Dieter Bingemann

"Quantum mechanics is the wierdest thing in the world."--Dieter Bingemann

"It's one of those instruments you wish had a knob on the back to adjust for the monday-morning affect."--Dieter Bingemann, on a pH meter.

"That brings me to bad joke #2."--Dieter Bingemann

"Neither one has a charge distribution that's anything to write home about."--Dieter Bingemann

"Please bring a caluculator, because there will be numbers on our test."--Jeff Strait

"There's no such thing as a shape. But there are spheres."--Bill Lenhart

"Now I want to talk a little bit about noise."--Bill Lenhart

"We're going to call it chopstick, because if we tried to call it fork in a C program it would create a new process."--Jim Teresco, on the forks of the dining philosophers.

"Another bad analogy, but it was fun. You got to play with a jar witha little processor in it."--Jim Teresco

"When you're reading email and you can watch the characters appear on the screen [it's bad]"--Jim Teresco
"Your packet size might be a little small."--Tom White

"Eventually the short users are going to log off or go to sleep or do whatever it is they do."--Jim Teresco
"Die!"--Chris Cyll

"How bad is this guy?"--I. Bell, Re: Oliver
"Pretty bad; he's evil."--Cliff

"She kind of got the short end of the stick; falling in love with an Ass..."--Alanna W, on Titania

"I don't want you to leave the play thinking suicide is the answer to your problems."--I. Bell

"when most people call up the helpdesk, they don't really care if you can solve their problem right away. What they wany is to talk to a human."--Seth

"You can't deny there's chemistry there; they just wrote a poem together spontaneously." --Steve O, on Romeo & Juliet

"... or else we'd be doing strange things when we tried to write to Jim." --Tom, on writing to a void pointer array named Jim.

"Maybe they don't actually talk to each other." -- Jim Teresco, on processes sharing the CPU

"I know that nothing that's happening between 11:21 and 12:35 is interesting to me." --Jim Teresco, simulating a student.

"The nurse [from Romeo and Juliet] had a husband, unless it was the divine conception." --Iona Bell

"He's using Religious symbols to try and make out; you don't normally talk like this when you're buying bread." --Steve O, on Romeo's first encounter with Juliet

"So I think we're sort of finished with all the practical aspects of the course." -- Jeff Strait, 20 minutes into the first lecture.

"He's the monkey we shoot" --Jeff Strait, talking about the monkey sitting on the van-de-graff generator.

"It could be messy if you had something of a messy situation." --Jeff Strait

"I was trying to decide between ease of understanding and truth... I'm still not sure where I'm going to come down on that." - Bill Lenhart

"Congratulations, you now speak reverse polish." --Pippa to Katie

"You know it's the 80's when the crows have pigtails." --Katie, on The Secret of Nimh